July 20, 2024

True Orthodox Diocese of Western Europe

Russian True Orthodox Church (RTOC)

“Why aren’t you here?”

2 min read

by Nursen Yildrim

I was smoking in the garden of the mental hospital. Out of curiosity, I guess, I somehow found myself there. I came face-to-face with a man who behaved quite normally, and I thought he was in his forties. Even though I turned my head a few times, he never took his eyes off me. As far as I can tell from his clothes, he was a guest there. I couldn’t say he’s sick now.

At first, I hesitated a little, but then I gathered my courage and approached him with small steps.

“Give me a cigarette,” he said immediately.

“Why are you here?” I said.

He lit his cigarette and stared at me again. He wasn’t even blinking, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I decided to walk away saying “have a nice day”. “Maybe I’ve asked the wrong question. Maybe I’m bothering you or I don’t know, he’s crazy!” I thought to myself.

“Why aren’t you here?” he shouted after me. He shouted so loudly that I was afraid to turn my back. It’s like he’s screaming with madness.

I turned my face, to where I was, I looked at his face without approaching.

He repeated, louder this time;

“Why aren’t you here?

“How do you manage to stand in the middle of so many frauds, so many unscrupulous, so many betrayals? There is a colorless, artificial world out there where children are shot, flowers are plucked, love is wasted, and hope is lost. I couldn’t adapt without numbness, I couldn’t sleep because of the noise. There is a dirty, arrogant, vulgar world. There are thousands of people who will draw you with a penknife as if they were drawing the latest model car for their own interests. Lots of vampires to suck your blood. Lots of killers that will make you feel like a dirty handkerchief used and thrown away.

Why aren’t you here?”


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